How To See The Best In The Worst Of People
If there is someone you know or work with that you just cannot stand the sight of, how can you change your negative perception on that person? How do you turn back time on someone whom you got to know on the wrong foot?
Firstly, let us address why it is important not to think ill of someone no matter how horrible or annoying they are to you.
For one, because it is unhealthy! Not for that person but for YOU! I. Those bad thoughts will cause you undue stress.
Secondly, that person may have really good qualities in them, but because you have planted that seed of dislike, the longer you don’t weed it out, the deeper the roots will grow. So even if that person does something nice, there is no way you will be able to see it because you would have already been blinded by deep rooted dislike.
Take it as a personal growth test to like someone you already dislike. We could all choose to be critical or we could choose to be benevolent.
Here are some steps to liking the unlikeable:
Don’t nitpick
Nitpicking on trivial matters like the way they match their clothes or the way they chew is just not worth your time. Nitpicking can drain a lot of energy from you. Before you even think about something bad, stop yourself. Tell yourself that you are the bigger person here and that trivial things are not going to ruin your day because they are not worth it.
See good
Start by seeing something good in that person. Start small. It may be tough at first but it will get easier. Even if that person has warts all over their face, think of something nice. Give that person a scan (when they are not looking of course) and see if you can find something you might get to like about that person. Perhaps it is how their eyes light up when they talk about their kids. Or how wonderful they care for their potted plant. Once you are more comfortable, move on to something deeper like how efficient they are with their jobs. Or how they are actually great with kids. By seeing good in people, you turn negative vibes into positive energy.
Turn things around
Instead of being critical and judgmental, try the opposite. For instance, Joan is a pain at work. You can choose to see her that way or you could choose to see Joan as being very professional at her job. You can choose to see Steve as a pushover and a weakling with no bones in him, or you could see him as a really nice man that just needs to meet nicer people. Or see Alan as a perfectionist rather than obsessed and problematic. There are many ways to turn things around and start seeing the light in people. Again, start on the easier things.
Empathize
Put yourself in that person’s shoes. A little empathy can sometimes go a long way. Someone you know talks too much and you are beginning to hate the sound of her/his voice? Try and see things from their end. Maybe they cannot share their stories at home, maybe they feel the need to be part of the group, maybe they have low self-esteem. If someone is constantly sarcastic, maybe he/she’s got personal growth issues or maybe they are going through a rough time, or unlike you, they have never been taught how to communicate. Yes, you are making assumptions about their life, and yes, these assumptions are probably not true, but it will ease your annoyance and you will find it easier to get along with that person. While some may call it making excuses for the person, the bottomline is that it is better to think well than think ill.
If you are able to turn all feelings of frustration, annoyance and utter dislike for another person into good, healthy, optimistic vibes, it’s a great start to your own personal growth. It will not be an easy task, but remember these tips and you might be able to make a friend out of an enemy.
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